I'm fourteen, turning fifteen in a few months.
I guess I'm a teen.
It's just annoying, you know?
It's that time period where you are dying to grow up but are clinging to your childhood.
I'm so lost because recently, I have realized that I want to grow up. But I don't want to grow up.
I mean, I am dying to go to college and grow up and get the perfect job and decide the simple things like what furniture to put in my house and what color to paint the walls. But at the same time I want to stay young and I'm scared of the future and just growing up. I don't want to rush things and regret everything, but all around me things seem to be falling apart.
I don't want to become a grumpy adult who works all day at a job that they hate and then come home stressed out. I don't want my entire life to revolve around how I'm going to pay the bills. How is that living?
I don't want to be normal because I am not normal. I never will be and I never want to be.
This part of life is so confusing because you have a million different things just being thrown at you; school, tests, friends, feelings, emotions, money, fights, crushes, relationships, technology, internet, decisions, problems, and so many different things. There are so many influences that are just piling up on top of you all the while you are trying to grow up and find out who you are. Yet every person you know is trying to change you into the person they want you to be. So you change. You change into what you think is better to fit the circumstances around you and somewhere along the lines, you lose yourself.
You are growing up and you want to but you are still clinging onto your childhood because you don't want responsibilities.
Things of the future sound so great and you can't help but want them, but there are so many bad things that you don't want either.
You are stuck in the present but somehow that isn't enough. You are left in a constant longing but you don't know what it is you are longing for.
Or maybe that's just me.
I don't know